he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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