I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize