I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
