They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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