i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
