There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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