He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
