why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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