my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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