If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
please don't ironically join a cult
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