So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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