Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
