i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So I just went to clothing optional bar
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
