No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think your dad took our porno
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
