You smell like a Billy Joel song
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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