What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
