all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
