Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
