dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
