shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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