I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
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I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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