i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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