break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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