Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
All the doctor said was why
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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