I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
