Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
