I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
