i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
