Apparently you make a good broom.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
