What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
