there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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