i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
