I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
