I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
