Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
