you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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