Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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