When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
