You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
