It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
