weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
