bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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