Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
