Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
