ADVERTISEMENT

• (805): View more from California

  just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.

  Fav 7 7035 1729

  share tweet
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.

  Fav 8 5514 1686

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (815): View more from Illinois

  Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone

  Fav 6 3186 1110

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'

  Fav 7 3219 1391

  share tweet
  

• (702): View more from Nevada

  Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam

  Fav 5 2223 880

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.

  Fav 5 1798 840

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (970): View more from Colorado

  im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i dont think thats healthy man...

  Fav 6 2579 1033

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.

  Fav 4 1389 744

  share tweet
  

• (204): View more from Manitoba

  I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.

  Fav 6 1266 768

  share tweet
  

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?

  Fav 16 963 1842

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will

  Fav 3 1042 1048

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (772): View more from Florida

  He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina

  Fav 14 1989 760

  share tweet
  

• (586): View more from Michigan

  I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."

  Fav 2 747 596

  share tweet
  

• (416): View more from Toronto

  I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet

  Fav 0 265 187

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (513): View more from Ohio

  I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs

  Fav 0 82 10

  share tweet
  

Randomize