She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
