Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
