oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
