I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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