Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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