I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
