Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
