I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize