Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
