it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
