Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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