Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
