Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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