I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
