I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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