I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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