Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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