I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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