So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
