Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
