So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
