____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
