i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
