I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
