party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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