Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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