I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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