I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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