I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She has the best kind of daddy issues
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
