You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
