I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
